“How are you?”

In general people are kind and thoughtful, and when asking “how are you?” although I'm never entirely sure if they are just being polite and would prefer a simple “ I'm fine thank you”, or if they really want to know. What bothers me far more is that people don’t think to ask my husband, who is my caregiver. There appears to be only one person who regularly asks my husband “and how are you?” and this is our wonderful neurologist, who I thank my lucky stars that I am under his expert care. Upon every visit, he always addresses my husband, and I think his empathy and consideration mean a great deal to us both. So much focus is generally on the patient, the caregiver is often left on the side lines, when in fact they are an integral part of the picture. Some caregivers, given half the chance, would love the opportunity to unload and talk about what they are going through. Others, might prefer just to talk about anything except the issue of care-giving  for they live it 24/7 and need a break from its suffocating effects. Each person is individual and deals with pressures and concerns in their own way. Offering to help is always greatly accepted, but only if it’s in a real and constructive way. Simply saying to someone “give me a call if you need anything” is of no help whatsoever, as I can assure you, someone in need will never pick up the phone and ask for help. What is greatly appreciated is simple practical help. If for example you say “ I'm going to the post office, do you need anything from there?” or “ I'm going to the supermarket, do you need any groceries whilst I'm there?” This kind of immediate direct offer is the best kind of help you can give a caregiver. Just helping with a simple errand is much appreciated. So don’t wait to be asked – jump in first and be proactive.